This morning when I was perusing my news feeds, I saw a story from Gizmodo that made me more excited than I’d been since the last time I sank a couple hundred bucks on a new gadget; Mattel is making the Back to the Future Hoverboard.

Ever since the day I first saw Back to the Future II, and the behind the scenes special where Robert Zemeckis said Hoverboards had been around for a while, I’ve wanted one. It crushed me to find out that they weren’t real. It was disappointment on a level that I didn’t feel again until I read that these “real” Hoverboards won’t actually hover, they’ll glide. Over “most surfaces”.

What the hell? Glide? That’s the best we can do at this point? Back to the Future II came out in 1989, and predicted a 2015 that we’re obviously not going to make it to, with flying cars, food hydrators, cyberpunk bullies, and dust-resistant paper (take THAT e-books), but you can’t tell me that Hoverboards are out of the freaking question.

Look, I’m not that smart of a guy. My degree is in visual design. I can only count if I use my fingers, and multiplication without a calculator is totally out of the question, but I’m not dumb enough to believe that we can’t do better than “gliding”. I don’t know what they’re doing on the ISS or in the Large Hadron Collider, but it hasn’t got me to the point where I can nod off in my favorite chair with my feet resting on a Hoverboard, and that’s inexcusable. You’ve let me down science. Big time.

One Comment

  • fuck the hoverboard, i just want to get my hands on that soptrs almanac from the future. i think there’s only 3 years left on it by now, but i could still make a KILLING.

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